I bet you were all refreshing my blog page like mad for 13 days waiting for a blog post from yours truly. Well, here it finally is.

I haven't had much to say except he's following me watching me holy fucking shit. He's there right now, and it's fucking... Fucking pissing me off and I hate it. I want to just grab a goddamn flamethrower and go Leeroy Jenkins on his skinny ass.

Too bad I don't own a fucking flamethrower.

I've been continuing work, but it's been harder. There's been more fires. Suspicious fires. I don't know if he's starting them or what. I heard he does. Fucker. Guess he's a pyro too.

My date was good, though. If Slendypoo hadn't shown up, I probably coulda gotten some ass.

you have got to be fucking kidding me

I saw that motherfuckign creepy as fuck alien motherfucker with no fucking face.

Fuck you. Fuck all of you.

And no, Zabby, you don't need to fucking tell me you told me so.

Continuing this search

So I've continued to read these weird schizo blogs. They're fucking weird, y'know? I kinda like them, though. Kinda sorta. They're good free entertainment and when the main characters go batshit it's fucking hilarious. So cheesy at times though, really. C'mon, you know Zero's shitty spelling and shit is obviously just the college-age writer trying to make the character seem fucking crazy.

I've begun watching Marble Hornets, too. Funny shit, except the main character is fucking retarded. Really, what the fuck? Whoever makes it should know that it's so unrealistic like that. No one is that stupid. Well, they are, but they wouldn't live that fucking long if they were.

It's free shit, though, so it's not like I can expect it to be good.

Morningstar, Morningstar. Nice in-character shit. At first I thought you were a crazy schizo dude, but now I've come to appreciate your dedication. Nice work, man, although you might wanna tone down the fucking batshit part. It's a little unrealistic, y'know?

Really, I've come to have respect for you crazy ass writers. At least you stay in-character.

One thing, though. The zombie fight I saw. Apparently that shit was Operation Wintergreen? Zabby over there bitched be out about not helping them or some shit like that. Now that... I know I sound batshit, but it happened. It really fucking happened. And I don't know how or why.

Trying to return to a normal life

That Morningstar douchebag is following me now. Great. I hear he's in Texas? Why don't you come to Austin and I'll kick your ass, you son of a bitch? It wouldn't be hard, you seem like someone who's all talk.

Anyway things have been pretty normal lately, aside from that whole fucking thing at that fucking hotel... Been fightin' fires and kicking ass. Nothing new. In my spare time, though, I've began reading those fucking blogs by those crazy college kids. Yeah, I know. But they're funny, at least.

It's weird, though, 'cause I feel like something is pulling me into them. Dunno the fuck what. It's really fucking creepy.

In other news, I have a date on Saturday. You all jealous? I bet you are. She's pretty hot, too. 8.5, I'd say. Bet you losers can't get a chick anywhere near that.

Now I gotta go back to reading White Elephants. What the fuck is this shit? I dunno, but it's fucking hilarious. See you around, I guess, or not.

Holy fucking shit

So here's what the fuck went on last weekend in case any of my stalkers are wondering.

I went to my hotel, checked in and all that shit and got up to my room. Then left for a few hours and had a great fucking time, best time I've had since I got to this god forsaken city. Got back. Went into the bathroom because fuck, everyone's gotta take a dump sometimes. Did all that and went to bed.

A few hours later I wake up to GUNSHOTS. FUCKING GUNSHOTS. So I do the rational thing and run outside into the hall to see what the FUCK is going on.

I run down the stairs because who do you think I am so stupid as to take the elevator into a battleground?

Then I see them. Fucking kids fighting off a zombie hoard? Like it's fucking Dawn of the Dead or some shit like that? Fuck, I had to be dreaming, but when I pinched myself I didn't wake up, so what the fuck. Anyway, some crazy zombie dude shows up with a chainsaw. He gets shot by some nerdy girl with a shotgun before some goth guy who looked like a girl and a weirdo stabbed the weirdo.

And then there was an explosion. I woke up in my hotel room. I thought it was a dream, but then I saw that the post I typed up actually sent. What the fuck.

I read that thing Zabulon linked me to. And then I read some other shit. Morningstar sounds like a douchebag and I'd like to punch his teeth out. Arkady Svidrigailov? Commie name. And how the fuck do you pronounce Alamskdjajasjaksjfsuuatsage or whatever the fuck his name is?

And Slenderman sounds like some stupid superhero from some stupid comic book. Do these lunatics really think this shit is real? Someone needs to send them back to the loony bin.

what the fuck is going on

Vacation

So I had a vacation from work for a few days. Decided to treat myself. Go to a hotel, live life, have some great sex. So I just booked a room, number 213. I'm going to go and eat an expensive fucking dinner now and have some fun.

God, I fucking love life.

Have fun, losers.

I hate fire. And Mexican restaurants.

Holy shit, I managed to get three followers? Already? Crazy. They've all got pretty weird names, though.

Anyway, there's been some fires around Texas lately, but I haven't been sent out yet. I guess the boss just wants to keep us around in case some dumbass thinks it's a good idea to throw a cigarette into some dry bush or some shit like that and catches the whole city on fire. I heard one story about this guy with his head up his ass in LA or something who got lost in a forest and decided to make a signal fire. He ended up lighting the whole fucking county on fire and causing millions of dollars in damage.

Fucking Californians. I swear, they're all doped up on something.

There was a fire in Austin a few days ago, though. It happened at night at some shitty Mexican restaurant, at 3 fucking am. Do you know what it's like to get woken up at 3 fucking am to go put on some heavy ass suit and run into a building that's on fire? No, you don't.

We couldn't figure out what caused it, although it did start in the attic. Weird. Some mysterious fire in the attic of a Mexican restaurant? Anyway, three of our men got injured too. Since I'm the newbie here, I didn't know 'em very well, but I hope they get better soon. Less firefighters means there's a greater chance of me getting injured on the job.

First Post

I don't expect anyone to really read this or find it. Probably good, because if my superiors found out I'd made a blog to bitch about them and work they'd probably fire me. Again.

Anyway, anyone who does find this, hey, I'm James, and I am a firefighter. I fight fires. It seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? You'd think so, but you have no idea how many calls I've gotten from old ladies because their cats are stuck in the tree. Lady, I'm a fucking FIREFIGHTER, not a cat retriever. Call your son-in-law to get it for you. I'm sure he can.

So I moved to Austin about a month ago. Oh man. Can you say fires? Loads of 'em. It's fucking Texas, how many trees are around to burn down? Apparently a lot. I'd moved here from Montana for work. Fucking fired from there. It's not my fault that so many fires happened around me and that those kids disappeared.

But that's a story for another day.

Anyway, see you later. I gotta go get dinner now.